Words from a Daddy.
I heard a honk and when I looked up from my Android phone, I realized I was pushing our double stroller down the street, and my sports car whizzed past. Alice waved at us and then sped away. I caught a glimpse of her movie star sunglasses.
“Look Lillian and Katrina — there’s mommy!”
“WHERE IS SHE GOING?” asked the bigger one.
“AAA DAB EEE GOONE” stated the little one.
“Booty camp.” I was desperately trying to balance my phone on the lip over the stroller so I could use two hands to push 70 lbs of toddlers and preschoolers and water bottles and snacks and an extra diaper and change of clothes up the enormous hill. Lillian’s future school lay in the distance.
It was Kindergarden info night. I had no idea what to expect, but my wife had given me three simple questions to get answered, with little places to fill in the answers. This is because I am great at remembering things.
1. START TIME _______ END TIME_______
2. WHEN DO THEY HAVE TO CATCH THE BUS ___________________
3. HOW DO LUNCHES WORK ______________________________
4. CAN WE REQUEST THAT LILLIAN BE IN THE SAME CLASS AS DAYCARE FRIEND Y/N
When I got to the school I paused, overcome by the memories of elementary school, and to open the huge double door and try to shove the double stroller through it before it clanged shut again. And also to try not to drop the Android perched atop.
Inside were approximately 100 parents, trying to “sign in” in giant letters on a giant sheet of lined paper using giant multicoloured markers. It looked important, because you had to mark off whether you wanted morning or afternoon sessions. Panic. This was supposed to be full day kindergarden. I left the kids at the door and waited behind three pregnant women for a chance to put in our name and address and mark “morning”. I got the absolute last spot on the sheet of paper, and by that time there were a dozen pregnant moms behind me. CRISIS AVERTED!
I grabbed the stroller and ran into the library where the information session would be held. After about six hours, the principal came to the front and introduced himself and some of Lillian’s future teachers. By that time both kids were on my lap, half of which was warm and smelled like pee. Then we started prayers.
“WHY ARE THEY SPEAKING THAT WAY?”
Darn it, I knew I had forgotten something. Well, sesame street alphabet books have only 8 very thick pages each. When it comes to bedtime the children’s bible never makes it out of the back corner of the bookshelf.
They presented some well crafted informational slides, detailing the incredible changes the Board has been going through to switch to full day kindergarden and the immense efforts of staff and volunteers. Or something. I was reading geekologie.com. And then it ended.
Umm, excuse me? When does kindergarden start in the morning? This vital information will impact our lives forever. Depending on the time, Alice and I may have to take a combined total of two cars and use three parking spaces and a bus each and every morning in order to make sure everyone gets to where they needed to go.
Fortunately a pregnant mom put up her hand and took the floor. Surely she would ask the obvious.
“I don’t have a question. I know this was covered but just wanted to emphasize how important it is to get your child’s eyes checked in case there is a problem.” The entire crowd was nodding in knowing agreement.
I flung up my hand to ask a question but there were somebody’s brats giggling and running back and forth in front of the podium flinging library books on the ground.
Finally as people were getting up I got a chance to go through my list of questions. “WHEN DOES SCHOOL START?” I shouted. “HOW DO BUSES WORK? IS THERE LUNCH AVAILABLE?”
“MY MOMMY WENT TO BOOTY CAMP!” shouted Lillian from the front of the podium.
“AAA MOMMEEE EN UH BOOTY AAA” stated Katrina, while trying to tear the Cat from the Hat.
Finally the principal responded over the noise. “We haven’t worked out all of the details. We’ll let you know in a letter in August.”
I gathered my soaking pee-smelling toddler and my preschooler and we trekked back up the hill toward home. I have a great memory, but I filled out all the questions on the sheet anyway with “AUGUST CALL”.
Then I went back to get the stroller.
Hehehe, I love Steve’s writing style. He cracks me up. 🙂