I’m one of those people who has struggled with my body image most of my life. I was fairly skinny in high school until grade 11 when I started to gain weight. Since then I was heavier for most of my life (except between Lillian and Katrina) and there were times where that was really hard on me. It has been hard on our marriage at times because when I feel bad about myself I’m super sensitive, I’m cranky and honestly at the risk of too much information, I don’t want my husband to touch me.
|Steve and I – January 2003|
If I’m not happy with the way that I look, I don’t believe any of the nice things Steve says about me. He tells me that I’m beautiful and gorgeous and sexy and I think he’s either lying or on crack. Obviously he thinks I’m beautiful, I mean he started dating me when I was the heaviest I’ve been with him, and even when my weight fluctuated and stuck by me and didn’t make fun of me when I was 217lbs while pregnant with Lillian (believe me I was a house!) too much. There was the “cow shirt” incident but that’s a story for another blog!
|Alice on October 2009 due date with Lillian.|
In high school and university I always felt self cautious. I worried about my body looking like the other girls and what it should look like. I tried to diet and lose weight for years because I wanted to live up to a specific standard. But things changed after I met Steve. I wanted to become healthy for us. I wanted to be able to live a long and healthy life with him, and now to be there for our girls. So there is a big deal that I love now that I’m a mom and that is how much I’ve stopped caring about a lot of my flaws. I still don’t like my back fat (it was gone before I got pregnant with Katrina so it will leave again) and my butt jiggles more than I would like it to, but a lot of issues are no longer there for me. I don’t notice my stretch marks, which have been there since I gained weight in high school. I don’t notice the sagging areas of my body. I don’t care about my mommy tummy, since it’s much smaller than my fat belly from years ago. When I look at my top half of the body I now smile and think how beautiful my body is.
|August 2010 – post Lillian skinny minnie!|
My body is amazing. My stomach is stretched but it held Lillian for 41.5 weeks and Katrina for 41. My chest is smaller and floppier but it fed Lillian until 11.5 months old and still feeds Katrina to this day. My hair is thinner, and my skin is drier but I have two beautiful girls who light up my world and are the greatest gifts I’ve ever had. It’s amazing how much I’ve changed. I still have my off days or even weeks, but I used to worry about everything other people thought all the time, and now I couldn’t care less. I have a few flaws just like every women in the world, but my husband loves me and I have an amazing body that brought us our little girls. In the end, as long as I’m healthy the jiggles are not important.
- Serious Duh moment.
- What exactly is a runner?