Alice's Mommy Blog

Hello blog,

It’s late and I should really be in bed but instead of going to sleep I lied to my hubby to avoid being in my bed (where laptops are not allowed) and came down here to pour my heart out to you all. I’m a very sad and conflicted person right now for the past while. I wrote a really long blog and figured that posting it might now be the best idea since a lot of people I know in real life read this blog and would worry about me.

So I’ll just say that I am faced with a real dilemma and by the time you all read this blog I will have had to make the choice. Tomorrow is my appointment to end my birth control so we could start trying for a third baby. I want another baby, and I want the spacing that way it would be, but right now I am so unhappy about a lot of things that I can’t imagine bringing another baby into our family. Until this afternoon I was so getting it out so we could try and I am so upset and heartbroken right now that I really don’t want to have it out, because the idea of bringing a new baby into a family that to me feels broken is not fair. I can’t even get the time alone to cry about how sad I am and process my thoughts properly. So now I don’t know what to do and I have no idea how I am going to make this choice tomorrow. I know things work out in the end the way they are supposed to but a little hint would be nice.

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